It seems last night the lump was just getting bigger and bigger, this morning the redness has gone out of it and just pink again, however there is now another lump just below the first, the lymph glands under my left armpit are also all raised.  Im beginning to feel like a camel, all humps and lumps.

I dont know how to feel really, the last time I was at the breast clinic, I was filled with dread, but they were so efficient.   Mammogram first, then ultrasound, biopsy and finally the results.  Last time it was benign.

This time its a completely different type, last time was a lump deep breast, this one appeared on the surface, in fact thought it was an insect bite at first.  Like a fool I googled it and many people reported the same, in fact it was not.

The original lump now appears more thickened, going deeper, but as I said the redness has gone just a pink flush to it.  BUT then about an inch below another one.  There appears to be nothing I am aware of in my right breast, thankfully, but the original lump actually looks like a satsuma now, its a funny feel, almost like a orange in appearance, dimpled in appearance, tender to touch but it is the insane itching thats driving me mad.

All this on top of everything else.  I have the optician coming out to my home wednesday to do an eye test, since the optic neuritis at christmas my eyes have been shocking, both reading and distance, my eyes are blurry all the time.  In fact without glasses whilst I can make out colours I cant make out even shapes any more.

The new Respiratory physician I will be under Dr Matt Callister, has been advised to do full sleep apnoea studies on me too as I keep stopping breathing when asleep (apparently) and have started snoring, much to my huge embarrassment.

When Mike and I first got married, everything we got was with a social budget loan, we had to go to one of those places, you would not normally be seen dead in.  They give you a limited amount of money, (very limited) – they allowed 70 for a bed, so I had to get a second hand bed, which I hated having to do, in fact it made me cry.  We also got a sofa for 40 quid, and the cheapest new whitegoods, which DWP ordered for us, my bezzy brought me a second hand telly, cutlery, dishes, and a crimbo tree.

The first christmas we were bought a dining table for 2 from mike;s family.  The second year an upgraded sofa.  The third year, a tumble dryer, the fourth year  a Dunelm voucher for 100, we got curtains and new bedding.  The fifth year, they bought us sky.  As until then we had no tv as everything had gone digital, so they got us sky put in and paid the subscription (basic) for us for 12 months.

Since then the cooker packed in, the fridge packed in, so we saved every penny we could and since we no longer had a car, nor went anywhere because of my collapsed lung, plus stopping smoking, we managed to get another cheap cooker.  We bought a Fridge freezer brand new off FB in one of them for sale groups as it was too big for lady who bought it.

Now the washer is starting to rattle and I pray it keeps going until such time as a replacement can be afforded.

After leaving West Yorkshire, I stayed in a caravan, then in my car for a couple of nights, then another caravan for 2 weeks, then eventually a big semi detached home, which had designer black mould wallpaper, after a huge asthma attack, my ms nurse from west yorkshire wrote a letter demanding I be moved.

We moved into a 1 bed ground floor flat, but as it was all brand new inside because the property had completely flooded in 2009, I was so jumpy, every bit of rain, I had mike running to check the river levels.

Finallly Homeswapper was our saviour, we took a swop with another lady, and am now back in my home region.  I love my home, its peaceful, has a garden (although was a jungle when we arrived).  For the first two years I gave it every minute of my devotion and time, so much so that my spending 12 hours a day out there was starting to bug the other half.

Then came the lung collapse.  Life saving surgery followed.  So now I can breathe without turning blue, but I cannot sustain any sort of effort.  So now it is Mike having to do my garden under my instruction, for someone who hates gardening he has done a fantastic job.

We have just got things all prepared again after winter and seeds growing into seedlings are all now hardening off ready to go in the garden once ready.  We have also cleared one bed to make another rose bed, I love my roses, oh and my clematis too.  Last winter my three beautiful clematis in an obelisk were ripped up by a 100 mph wind so had to cut right down and cross my fingers they come back.  Even though I cant do the work I love looking out on it.



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