Currently I am 52.  Disabled, immobile, overweight, and unable to do much at all.  My heart aches for my children and their children, whom I shall never see.  I am still classed as SPMS, still struggling with my Lung function.

I have been referred on to a Respiratory consultant at St James in Leeds, as the surgeon Joel Dunning who performed on me in November 2015 is based at James Cook University Hospital and getting to Middlesbrough when you have no transport is impossible for me.

So Joel has kindly suggested this fellow Consultant who he described as a “Mover and Shaker”.

I have been referred for Sleep apnoea, and Bariatric surgery, and more testing on the 31st August (full day) before I pick up my CPAP on 4th September.

I spend my days with my darling husband who cares for my every need, as best he can – not being a trained carer, and my 3 cats, where I sit looking out on my garden, or inside playing Candy Crush!

My thoughts often drift to my children who I have tried again to reach out to, but sadly I am not about to be allowed in their lives.

I dont blame them, I blame me.  I wish them nothing but happiness, and when the good lord takes me, I hope they get relief knowing I am gone for good.

Meanwhile I try to make each moment matter, I laugh as much as I can, and am loved as much as I would hope for.  I have a couple of relatives who have been willing to speak to me, and one good friend who has been like a sister to me.

There are a lot worse off than me ..


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